


I Remember You

by avoidantx



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, tsukkiyama - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28336098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avoidantx/pseuds/avoidantx
Summary: Tadashi is gone and Tsukishima doesn’t know how to cope. He goes through a series of flashbacks, recalling how he met, fell in love with, and loved Yamaguchi Tadashi.In other words the angst fic that I did not have to write, but I did and here it is.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 22





	I Remember You

The rain was slipping down the windows, and creating river systems in the street. Tsukishima’s breath fogged the glass, as he leaned his forehead against the window, letting out a sigh.

“I miss you Tadashi,” he paused a moment, his breath catching, “I wish…”

The clouds lit from within as a bolt of lightning scored the sky and thunder rumbled in the distance. Tsukishima sat, cradling a much bedraggled stuffed dinosaur, musing about the past.  
\-----

The Beginning-

Yamaguchi Tadashi had never been the type to make friends very easily. With his pale, freckled skin, and his skinny frame, he was more often picked on than picked for playground games or club activities. He took to cutting through the park near his house to try and avoid attention from his bullies, but today it seemed like they had figured out his routine.

“Hey, look! It’s Tadashi, come on Tadashi, come on! Carry our bags for us won’t you, come on be a pal! Haha, look at him, don’t cry you baby, come on get up it’s not that heavy!”

Yamaguchi tried to stand, sniffling, but fell as one of the boys kicked his leg out from under him. Tadashi slumped and began crying harder as the boys teased him, until a voice cut through their taunts.

“Tch. That’s so lame.”

Tadashi and his tormentors looked up at the newcomer, who seemed to tower over them. The bullies paused, confused, before taking their bags back from Yamaguchi and scurrying off. Yamaguchi looked up, in awe that someone cared enough to even say anything, it didn’t matter that the tall boy could have been meaning to insult him as well as the bullies, all that mattered was that he had stopped it. Tadashi scrambled to his feet, and tried to catch up to the other boy.

“H-hey! Thanks. Thank you!”

The other boy glanced back before muttering, “Don’t worry about it, those guys were losers anyway.”

Yamaguchi finally got in front of the boy, catching his eye, emboldened by the fact that he had replied at all, “M-my name’s Yamaguchi Tadashi, what’s yours?”

He tried to get around Yamaguchi, before mumbling something that sounded like “Tsukishima Kei,” as he slipped around the smaller boy.

“Tsukishima, that’s a nice name! Want to, I mean do you want to hang out?”

Tsukishima frowned slightly at Yamaguchi, before sighing and responding in a very bored tone, “Sure, why not?”

\-----

Tsukishima’s phone pinged from the kitchen counter, startling him out of his state of concentration.

**Hey, you okay? It’s been a few months since you’ve replied to anyone.**

  
He stared at the text for a few minutes, trying to remember who had messaged him at all in the last few months.

**I’m fine.**

There was a pause before the reply came in.

**A few of us Karasuno alumni are going out as a kind of remembrance, everyone from our first year is going to be there. You want to come?**

Tsukishima blanched at the thought of seeing everyone from his first year, the year it all came together. He fell back against the couch and stared blankly at the opposite wall, once again clutching the stuffed dinosaur.  
\-----

The Pieces Fall Into Place-

It was Yamaguchi Tadashi’s first day of high school, and he couldn’t be more nervous. But his fears were completely alleviated when his phone pinged from his nightstand.

**I’m outside, are you coming?**

Yamaguchi ran to his window and flung it open, “One minute Tsukki! I still need to brush my teeth.”

“I’m leaving in five minutes with or without you.”

“Sorry Tsukki!”

Yamaguchi slammed his window back down, and rushed to get ready. Outside Tsukishima was smiling slightly at Yamaguchi’s window, though if asked he’d never admit it. As he heard the front door fling open his smile immediately dropped, replaced by a bored expression.

“You’re going to make me late Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry Tsukki!”

As Yamaguchi looked away to adjust his backpack Tsukishima let loose another smile in his direction, before it disappeared just as quickly as it had come, when Yamaguchi straightened up and looked his way. Yamaguchi beamed at Tsukishima, as the latter wondered if Yamaguchi knew how much it pained him to not smile back. Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi didn’t feel the same way about him, there was no way. Yamaguchi was perfect, and sweet, and deserved so much better, and so Tsukishima would hold back and remain Yamaguchi’s friend for as long as he would have him.

~

Yamaguchi tossed and turned on his bed, trying to get comfortable. It was nearly impossible with Tsukishima asleep on the futon next to him. Yamaguchi couldn’t help but stare at the soft rise and fall of his best friend’s chest as he lay curled up on his side underneath one of Yamaguchi’s blankets. The moon lit up his pale hair like a star, and Yamaguchi longed to reach out and run his hands through it. He rolled over, before the urge got the better of him, heart beating as he held his hand to his chest. He doubted he’d be getting any sleep tonight, with the odd electricity that charged the air every time he thought about the proximity of Tsukishima, or his hair that gleamed in the soft light.

~

Tsukishima was climbing the stairs to his room, snacks in hand when he heard his brother and a friend come in downstairs. Sighing, he walked back down, welcoming his brother and his friend, asking if he wanted the futon for the night. His brother’s friend agreed readily, as his brother fixed him with an odd look.

“Kei, don’t you have a friend over tonight?”

Tsukishima looked away, “Well you, know he comes over all the time. He’ll understand about someone else needing it for tonight.”

“Huh, well thanks. Have fun and tell Yamaguchi I said hi.”

“Uh-huh, good night.”

Kei lunged up the stairs with the snacks, trying to avoid more awkward conversation. He opened his room door to find Yamaguchi wearing one of his shirts, nearly dying on the spot.

“Yamaguchi what are you doing?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry Tsukki! I forgot to bring a shirt to sleep in, is this okay?”

“Oh, uh yeah. I’ve already said you could, it just… Surprised me, that’s all.”

“Haha, you look like you’ve seen a ghost Tsukki! Is something wrong?”

“What, no I. Well, my brother’s friend took the futon for the night so you’re out of luck.”

“No problem Tsukki! I can just sleep on the floor.”

“Well, that seems rude, considering I invited you over. Why don’t you just sleep in my bed.”

“I wouldn’t want to take it from you. It… Well it looks big enough for the both of us don’t you think?”

Tsukishima internally heaved a sigh, glad he didn’t have to suggest it himself, “Yeah, I think it’ll be alright if we both sleep on it.”

Yamaguchi got up from the floor, and held out his hands for some of the snacks, smiling as Tsukishima handed them over. Tsukishima blushed as he internally screamed at himself. Tadashi looked so cute in his shirt it was killing him. As Yamaguchi flopped onto his bed and smiled at him, Tsukishima desperately tried to gather himself.

They played games and studied for a bit before the inevitable happened.

“Ts-Tsukki,” Yamguchi yawned.

“Yeah?”

“Can we go to bed?”

“You don’t have to ask, you can just go to bed.”

“W-well we’re sharing remember? And right now you’re taking up half of my foot space.”

“Oh, oh yeah,” Tsukishima was trying with all his strength to not blush a brilliant red, “Yeah, here let me just move some of this stuff on the floor, and you can go to bed.”

“Thanks Tsukki.”

“No problem.”

Tsukishima moved off the bed and watched as Yamaguchi settled himself against the wall, as far over as possible on the bed. The smaller boy wiggled a few times to get comfortable, before eventually falling asleep. Tsukishima waited a bit, feeling like it was an eternity, before finally cleaning up and sliding into bed next to Yamaguchi, holding his breath as he waited for any signs of movement from the other. As he finally settled, if you can call the intense stillness he held himself to, settled, he glanced over at his friend. Yamaguchi seemed right at home in his bed, already cuddling his stuffed dinosaur. Kei found himself wishing he was the dinosaur, before realizing and cursing himself for thinking such an absurd, and addictive thing. He waited a while, finding himself thinking it was an eternity once more, before he finally fell into a state of restless sleep.

Tsukishima awoke to something nuzzling his neck, nearly freaking out, before realizing what was happening. He looked down and saw the stuffed dinosaur at the foot of the bed, glass eyes winking evilly in the pale light that filtered in through his window. His eyes roved over to where his best friend was cuddling his side, and sighed. It was ridiculous how much this was affecting him, but he felt both so happy and so panicked he could burst. Yamaguchi sighed in his sleep and nuzzled closer, making Tsukishima’s heart jump in a very unhealthy way. Kei lay there for a moment before deciding he might literally die from longing if this continued, and softly whispered in Tadashi’s ear, ignoring how his freckles looked even cuter up close.

“Yam- Yams. Hey, move over you’re smothering me.”

“No, Tsukki, five more minutes,” mumbled Yamaguchi.

Tsukishima bit his lip to keep from kissing his best friend's freckles one at a time, and leaned in just a bit closer, “Hey, Yams. Come on, I’ll give you the dinosaur back if you let go.”

“Dinosaur?” Yamaguchi sounded confused, but loosened his grip just enough for Tsukishima to snatch up the dinosaur with his opposite arm and wedge it in between them.

“Oh Yams….” Tsukishima looked at Yamaguchi’s sleepy frown of disapproval as he nuzzled into the stuffed dinosaur and was greeted by cold fabric, instead of warm skin.

Tsukishima let out another sigh, before falling back into his pillow and trying to get back to sleep, definitely not thinking about taking the dinosaur out of the equation entirely. But, he knew his heart couldn’t take Yamaguchi’s cuddles unless they were consciously meant for him, and even then Tsukishima didn’t truly know if he’d survive something that adorable. To distract himself, he tried to memorize the details of Tadashi’s face up close, knowing he’d probably never get the chance to see it again.

~

As Tsukishima walked away down the moonlit corridor, Yamaguchi felt a frustration welling up inside him. The frustration itself wasn’t new. He often felt it whenever Tsukishima seemed to brush off every attempt of flirting Yamaguchi threw at him, or when he seemed to give up after giving no effort beyond what he felt was necessary, but the magnitude of it was. Yamaguchi rushed toward his best friend, fighting back the tears that rose to the surface as the wave of emotions swelled.

“Tsukki!”

Tsukishima turned, startled by the unusual tone Yamaguchi had, “Yamaguchi? What’s the ma-”

He stopped as Yamaguchi ran into the front of him, grabbing his shirt in both of his hands as hard as he could, “Motivation? What more do you need than pride!!”

Tsukishima smiled, unable to hold it back, before responding, “I never thought I’d see the day…” Yamaguchi looked at him in confusion, “Just when did you become such a cool guy?”

“Buh?” Yamaguchi looked confused, and Tsukishima mentally kicked himself for never praising him before.

“You’re really cool.”

Yamaguchi stood shell-shocked, as Tsukishima walked away, worried he’d ruin the moment. Yamaguchi looked after him, aching as his courage faded away, wishing he’d told Tsukki the one thing he felt he never could. He shook his head, before walking away as well, looking up at the moon and wondering if Tsukishima knew how much Yamaguchi longed for him.

\-----  
Another ping from Tsukishima’s phone interrupted his reverie.

**If you do end up going, it’s tonight at seven. We’ll come to yours to pick you up if you don’t respond.**

Tsukishima sighed, before picking up his phone and tapping out a response, muting his phone.

**I’m not coming.**

He leaned back, and reopened the door to the past.

\------

The Day Life Truly Started-

Tsukishima looked on, as Yamaguchi prepared for the serve, his heart leaping in his chest, not out of fear for him missing the serve, but out of pride. He had learned only recently how much Yamaguchi truly practiced this skill to get to the level he was at now. Yamaguchi lined up and hit the ball, seeming to radiate grace as the ball floated over the net and to the other side of the court, baffling the opposing team. Tsukishima beamed as Yamaguchi grinned, not caring if anyone saw him. Yamaguchi looked over and waved, sending a spike of longing through Tsukishima’s heart. He sighed, and Suga looked over in concern, before Tsukishima gathered himself and gave a thumbs up in return.

After the game Suga approached Tsukishima when no one else was around, “I saw that.”

Tsukishima decided to play dumb, figuring that Suga was too perceptive to be full out lied to, “Saw what, my amazing blocks?”

Suga frowned, “You know what I mean. Maybe I shouldn’t meddle but I remember wishing people had meddled when Daichi and I skirted around each other for two years.”

“Skirted around each other, who are you talking about?”

“You can’t be serious, no I can see by your face that you’re legitimately confused now. Come on Tsukishima, you and Tadashi. Everyone can see it, aside from Kageyama and Hinata, but we all know that they’re clueless when it comes to this.”

Tsukishima tried to turn away, “I don’t know what you're talking about.”

Suga placed his hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder, holding him in place only with his next words, “Tsukishima, he loves you as much as you love him, and you’re seriously telling me you can’t see that?”

Tsukishima stood stock-still, breathing as though he’d just finished a flying lap, “I don’t, I… No, I don’t think you understand, I… I don’t love Yamaguchi like that. He’s- He’s my friend that’s all.”

As Tsukishima rushed off, mumbling something about the bathroom, Suga heard a sharp intake of breath from the opposite end of the hall, and turned just in time to see Yamaguchi’s green hair disappearing around the corner.

“Oh dear. I do believe I’ve just fucked that up miserably.”

Suga debated for a moment, before dialing Daichi and walking in the direction Tsukishima had gone, hoping he made it in time to fix some of the mess he’d just caused. Meanwhile, on the other side of the facility, Yamaguchi sat in a corner far away from the activity, trying to hold in his ragged breathing and failing miserably. His tears flowed in torn sobs, as he wiped his face trying to cover up the evidence before someone came and found him.

“Yamaguchi! Hey, Yamaguchi are you over here?”

Yamaguchi held in his breath as long as he could, before breaking out in ugly sobs again. Watching in embarrassment as Daichi round the wall and spotted him, huddled miserably against the wall with his knees pulled to his chest.

“Hey, hey, Yamaguchi what’s wrong?”

Yamaguchi hesitated for a moment before looking at Daichi, who was crouched in front of him, and splitting open, “I- I- I’ve been s-so stupid!”

“Hey, I’m sure it’s okay, do you want to talk about it?”

“N-no,” Yamaguchi buried his face in his hands and began openly crying as Daichi put his hand on his shoulder.

“I know how you feel, do you think it was easy realizing I was in love with my best friend, and had been since our first year?”

Yamaguchi looked up, “W-what?”

Daichi smiled, before sitting down in front of Yamaguchi, “Yep, Suga was so mad when I told him. He said ‘You mean I was pining for years and you just conveniently ignored it until now!’,” Daichi laughed a bit at the memory but his eyes looked wistful, “I always wondered why no one said anything before, but looking at you two I’m almost glad they didn’t.”

Yamaguchi straightened up, looking a bit embarrassed, “Am I really that obvious?”

“At first I thought so, but after a while everyone realized that Tsukishima was the painfully obvious one, painfully so because he seemed to think he was hiding it from everyone, but really was just hiding it from you.”

Yamaguchi frowned at his knees for a moment, “Tsukki? Obvious… No I think you’re mistaken, Tsukki hardly even sees me as his best friend.”

Daichi sighed, “And there’s the painful part.”, before looking at his phone and getting to his feet, “Hey, just stay here and collect yourself for a minute okay? And remember what I said, even if you don’t believe it.”

Yamaguchi looked after him for a moment before wiping his face and trying to puzzle out all the moments he’d had with Tsukki since childhood. He shook his head, before getting to his feet and walking around the corner, and right into Tsukishima.

“I- guh, uh… Sorry Tsukki!”

Tsukishima looked down at Yamaguchi, before responding, “No, Yamaguchi I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t acknowledge this earlier”

“Tsukki? What are you talking about? You didn’t… Oh no, you didn’t just hear Daichi and I’s conversation did you?”

Tsukishima shook his head, looking confused, “What no, I... I was trying to. I suck at this!”, Yamaguchi startled and Tsukishima looked down, embarrassed, “I’m sorry Yamaguchi, but I like you, I like you more than just a friend. Before you reply, know that you don’t have to like me back in that way, heaven knows I’d never deserve it, but please let us stay friends, if anything.”

Yamaguchi stared at Tsukishima in open-mouthed awe.

“Look, I know it’s weird, and I- No please don’t cry, I’m sorry, I really am, bu-”

“Tsukki, I like you too!” Yamaguchi wiped his tears away, before reaching up to kiss Tsukishima on the cheek, “I’m sorry, I never told you because… Well, because I thought you would never feel the same way.”

Now it was Tsukishima’s turn to stand in shock, “What?” He stepped back a bit, before realizing what had happened, and laughed, “Yamaguchi, we’re idiots aren’t we?”

“Tsukki! Don’t be mean-” He was cut off as Tsukishima stepped in and gathered him into a hug, “Ah, Tsukki!”

“Yamaguchi Tadashi, I adore you. I like you so much it hurts sometimes. Thank you for staying with me all these years.”

Yamaguchi just buried his face in Tsukishima’s shirt, smiling wider than ever.

~

Tsukishima rolled over in his bed to look at his best friend— no, boyfriend sleeping peacefully. His cowlick stood up at an angle that defied gravity, and his, well Tsukishima’s, shirt rode slightly up, exposing soft, freckled skin that seemed ethereally beautiful in the moonlight. Tsukishima sighed quietly as he admired the other boy. He didn’t know how he could possibly exist in the same dimension as this otherworldly presence, let alone be dating him. His heart seemed to catch in his throat everytime he reminded himself, and every time he internally shook his head at the ridiculous behaviour… it has been seven months since it all began. Surely he should be at least partially immune to the effects of complete adoration. But in all honesty, he wouldn’t trade that feeling of both happiness and ridiculousness for anything in the world. So he was content to reach out and softly run his hands through Yamaguchi’s hair, stopping when the other stirred in his sleep.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi, I’ll adore— no, I’ll love you for the rest of my days.”

With that he pulled the smaller boy into his chest and wrapped his arms around him, relaxing as the other sleepily gripped his shirt in his hands.

~

Yamaguchi was bouncing on the balls of his feet to keep warm, bundled up in a coat and scarf, waiting outside of Tsukishima’s house. He rubbed his hands together and pulled out his phone, dialling his boyfriend with a huff. It rang for a second, before it clicked and Tsukishima’s voice rang out.

“Yamaguchi? What are you calling me at five am for?”

“Me? What am I calling you for at five am? Well, maybe it has something to do with my boyfriend being a massive pain and texting me last night at eleven to come as early as I could the next morning.”

“Shit… Sorry Yamaguchi, I was tired and kind of…”

“Kind of?”

“Well, kind of lonely…”

“Well I’m kind of freezing you big dork, so are you going to come let me in or not?”

“Let- let you in? Yamaguchi you actually came over?”

“Of course I came over, and I have your favorite Ghibli film, so let me in and we can cuddle!”

“On it, sorry for the wait!”

Yamaguchi smiled and rushed forward, as Tsukishima’s front door opened to reveal his pajama-clad boyfriend, blearily adjusting his glasses.

~

Yamaguchi opened the door to the new apartment and looked back at Tsukishima, beaming, “Tsukki it’s great!”

“Yamaguchi, it was bought with the savings of two college students, I don’t think ‘great’ is the appropriate word.”

“It’s great because it’s ours!”

Tsukishima smiled at the look on Yamaguchi’s face, before going to bring more boxes in from outside. Yamaguchi set his boxes down and went to explore, opening every cupboard and examining every corner.

“Tsukki, we could put the cups in here, and- oh! Tsukk-”

Tsukishima had lifted Yamaguchi up onto the counter to kiss him, and kept peppering him with kisses as Yamaguchi practically melted into his arms, “You’re so pure Yams, I can’t. You’ve got to stop killing me with cuteness.”

“Tsukki, shut up and kiss me some more,” Yamaguchi reached out to hold him closer, but Tsukishima danced out of his reach just in time.

“Can’t Yams, I have boxes to get.”

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi whined, “Please?”

“Hmmm… Maybe if you come help instead of wandering around we can get done in time to order some take out, and then we can make out?” Tsukki, waggled his eyebrows in time with the bad rhyme.

“Kei, why are you only lame around me?” Yamaguchi, pouted, hopping off the counter.

“Maybe it’s because you’re too cool for me and haven’t realized it yet.”

“Never,” Yamaguchi reached up to cup Tsukishima’s cheek in his hand.

“Aw Yams, there you go again. Come on I’m going to have a heart attack if you keep that sweetness up.”

Yamaguchi stuck his tongue out at his boyfriend, before rushing off to grab more boxes. Tsukishima laughed, shaking his head, before following behind.

~

The rain battered their bedroom window, as Yamaguchi and Tsukishima cuddled underneath the blankets, watching a recording of a volleyball match. Just as cheers began on the tv speakers, lightning crashed and thunder broke outside.

“Ugh, I hate the rain.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I think it’s nice. You know I used to beg for it to rain when we were younger.”

“Yeah, how come?”

“Well, it’s kind of embarrassing, but when we walked home and it was raining you usually came over until it stopped or to borrow an umbrella, because you ‘Didn’t want to get your homework wet’ or some lame excuse. So we got to spend more time together.”

“Was not a lame excuse.”

“Was too, besides why didn’t you just keep an umbrella on you?”

“I… Well I kind of wanted an excuse to come over.”

Yamaguchi turned to kiss Tsukishima, “I love you, even if you are lame.”

“I love you too Yams.”

~

Tsukishima was walking home from his classes, when he got a text.

Meet me in the park after you get home, I have a surprise!

Tsukishima hesitated for a minute before breaking into a run, startling other pedestrians around him.

Finally, after running home, getting changed and trying his best not to start bolting toward the nearby park Tsukishima was standing on a walkway under cherry trees, lit by led lights.

On my way, where in the park?

He paced for a minute, looking around before he heard a voice to his right.

“Tsukki!”

He looked over, and immediately looked away, his hand over his face, “Yamaguchi, what is that horrible outfit?”

“What are you talking about Kei?”

Tsukishima looked back over, trying to not bust out laughing, “Yamaguchi, a dinosaur onesie? Why?”

“Because it’s your favorite animal. And what’s more surprising than the unexpected? I know you could have never seen this one coming.”

“I mean, you’re completely right, but really Yams? Are you trying to publicly humiliate me?”

“Oh not yet, that comes when you put on your dinosaur onesie.”

“My what? No, no Yamaguchi please don’t do this to me.”

“Oh yes, no cuddles, or kisses, or anything if you don’t put this on,” teased Yamaguchi as he held out the neatly folded dinosaur onesie.

“I, ugh, you’re not letting me get out of this one are you? I swear if anyone from my classes sees me-”

“You can just tell them that you are being a loving and obedient boyfriend.”

“Uh-huh. Alright, give me a minute to- ah where are we going?”

Yamaguchi tugged on his boyfriend’s arm as he raced up the hill towards a blanket spread out on the ground, “Our picnic spot of course!”

“Of course,” Tsukishima struggled with the odd garment for a few minutes before standing up, fully clad in his picnic apparel, “This-” he struggled to not burst out laughing, “This is the worst thing I have ever worn in my life.”

“I don’t know Tsukki, remember that time I made you-”

“Nope, no we are not having that conversation, and fine. It’s the third worst thing I’ve ever worn in my life.”

“Oh I’ve got plenty more up my sleeve, but that’s for another day.”

Tsukishima shook his head, smiling, before flopping to the ground beside Yamaguchi, looking up at the fading sunset. Yamaguchi looked over at him and giggled a bit, before getting out some food.

“I love you Tsukki.”

“I love you too Yams.”

~

Yamaguchi had gotten up early to make breakfast, but was distracted by the sunrise outside the kitchen window. He stood, leaning against the countertop, smiling faintly at the sights and sounds of the neighborhood waking up. He heard a rustling behind him, and before he could turn around, he felt two arms come around and envelope him in a soft morning hug. He leaned back and tilted his head up expectantly, Tsukishima responding in kind by leaning down and giving him a peck on the nose.

“I thought you came out here to make me breakfast.”

“As if. I was just luring you so you’d come out and make it for me.”

Tsukishima laughed, “Oya?”

“Oya, oya, oya.

Both burst out laughing at this, and Yamaguchi slipped out of Tsukishima’s arms to continue making breakfast. Tsukishima seated himself at the kitchen counter with his paperwork, stopping every so once in a while to stare at Yamaguchi, who was dancing to the music he had on the speakers. As he watched his boyfriend twirl the spatula in time with the music, he felt so full of love his heart could burst.

“Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

Yamaguchi stopped his dancing and turned toward him, “Tsukishima Kei?”

“Will you marry me?”

The spatula fell to the floor as Yamaguchi processed what he’d just been asked, “Tsukki, yes. Yes, yes a thousand times over!”

Tsukishima startled as Yamaguchi rushed to pepper him in kisses, “I uh, I don’t have a ring. I was kind of just going with the moment.”

“You’re so lame… I love you.”

“I love you too Yams.”

\-----

Tsukishima felt tears streaming down his cheeks as he fingered the ring on his left hand. The rain was falling harder than ever, and he could hear nothing but the downpour and his own sobs as he sat alone in the darkness of their empty home.

\-----

Tsukishima watched Yamaguchi flitting from display case to display case in the tiny ring shop, exclaiming every time he saw something he liked, pointing out certain details of each piece. Tsukishima stood in a corner, unsure of what to do with his hands and worried he’d knock something over if he were to move from his spot, content to agree with Yamaguchi’s observations every now and again, but keeping mostly to himself. The shop owner stood behind the counter, watching both Tsukishima’s uncomfortable expression and Yamaguchi’s delighted one with amusement. She waited a few minutes, before gesturing for Tsukishima to come towards the counter. He was loathe to move from his corner and risk knocking something over, but hesitantly made his way over.

As he got there he was shown a collection of rings, “You look a bit overwhelmed my dear, why don’t you look at a few of these options while your energetic boyfriend tires himself out.”

Tsukishima looked down at the woman, puzzling over whether to feel relieved or offended, before simply taking a closer look at the rings he’d been presented with. His eyes roved for a minute, before settling on a pair of unadorned bands, a dark base metal, threaded through with streaks of a deep blue stone.

“Tadashi.”

“Yeah?”

“Can you come look at these ones over here?”

“Coming!”

Yamaguchi made his way around the crowded display cases, before coming to rest his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder. He looked over the rings Kei had brought to his attention, before clapping his hands together in delight.

“Oh, Tsukki, they’ll look so handsome on us, don’t you think?”

Tsukishima smiled at him, “Yeah I think you’re right.”

~

It was a week since the wedding, and the original Karasuno team had gathered to celebrate the relationship they had a part in starting. As the drinks flowed and the laughter rose Tsukishima and Yamaguchi cuddled in the corner of their living room, watching their old school friend’s antics and catching up with everyone’s lives. Suga was practically on Daichi’s lap the entire night, joking with the newlyweds about married life.

“You know he doesn’t even make me breakfast every morning.”

“When did I ever say I’d do that?”

“You didn’t, but you made me breakfast every day for the first month, and here we are, three years in, and I’ve only gotten maybe thirty-seven breakfasts since.”

“Thirty-seven! Tsukki never makes breakfast, he says he’s better at dinners.”

“What!? I definitely am, remember when you tried to make ramen and burnt it to the bottom of the pot?” He looked over at Daichi and Suga, “This of course is the same day he made the most perfect breakfast souffles I’ve ever had. I just don’t understand how he understands the concept of delicacy when it comes to breakfast but then leaves the burner on high for forty minutes the one night I stayed late at work.”

“Tsukki! I told you I forgot it was on.”

“That’s the scariest part.”

Dachi and Suga laughed, as Yamaguchi glared at Tsukishima. From the kitchen came the sound of sizzling food, as Tanaka attempted to woo his girlfriend with his cooking skills.

“Kiyoko, dear I’ll make you the finest spread ever seen.”

“No thanks, Asahi already gave me some of his.”

“Asahi, how could you! My own friend, betraying me!”

“Sorry, Tanaka, but you were taking forever.”

“Asahi!”

From the other side of the living room Kageyama and Hinata were battling each other with their spectacularly bad gaming skills, as Nishinoya and Yachi egged them on.

“I don’t understand. Ah, you idiot Hinata! Don’t shell me, oh I’ll get you for that you dumbass!”

“That’s the spirit Kageyama! Show him who’s boss.”

“Kageyama!! I swear I’ll win this round, you’re never beating me again.”

“You can do it Hinata! Er, I mean, sorry Kageyama, you both can do it!!”

From the corner Ennoshita spoke up, “Neither of you have won a single lap, you’re just vying for eleventh place, as opposed to dead last.”

Kinoshita and Narita were perched on the barstools, trying their best to get some of Tanaka’s “spread” onto their plates and cackling at Kageyama and Hinata’s epic fails in game. Tsukishima looked around at his former teammates, and cuddled Yamaguchi closer, grateful to all of them for being able to show up and for bringing Tadashi and he together all those years ago.

~

Yamaguchi slowly cracked open the door to their apartment, trying his best not to make a sound as he smuggled a large gift bag in behind him. He peeked around the corner and saw Tsukishima chopping vegetables in the kitchen, humming softly to the radio. He slowly progressed into the living room, hiding the bag behind him as he tried to act as natural as possible.

“Tsukki, I’m home!”

“Welcome back Yams.”

Tadashi smiled and continued his way into the kitchen, stashing the gift bag underneath the bar.

“Sooo… What has the birthday boy been doing all day?”

Tsukki looked up, adjusting his glasses as he did, “The usual, paperwork for the museum, volleyball practice, and making dinner. Where have you been?”

“Around…”

“Tadashi, what are you doing?”  
“What do you mean?”

“Yams you’re an hour late and you crept in the front door, what’s up.”

“Sorry Tsukki, I had to go grab something from the store.”

“Hm.”

“Now I know you don’t like a lot of birthday presents, but this one is going to be worth it, trust me.”

“Yams-”

“Buh, buh, buh,” Yamaguchi pulled the bag out and set it on the counter with a flourish, “You can thank me later.”

Tsukishima looked less than pleased, but curious, which Yamaguchi figured was a start.

“Fine, you finish dinner then.”

“On it!”

Yamaguchi took over the kitchen as he watched Tsukishima methodically pull tissue paper from the bag.

“Tsukki, at least look like you’re having a little more fun with it.”

“What do you mean, I’m having loads of fun with this paper,” he deadpanned.

“Tsukki…”

“Alright, alright. Wait a minute.”

“Isn’t it perfect?”

Yamaguchi beamed as Kei pulled a stuffed dinosaur from the confines of the bag.

“Yams... “

“It’s exactly like the one you had in high school!”

“Yams, that dinosaur was the root of all my problems,” he was laughing now.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Thank you Yams, I love it, I really do.”

“You’ll cherish it forever?”

“Oh absolutely, I’m afraid you’ll have to take a back seat in our relationship to make room for this guy.”

“Tsukki…”

“Oh fine, I guess I can cherish you forever as well.”

“I love you Tsukki.”

“I love you too, Yams.”

\------

Kei startled as a knock sounded on his door. He lay in the dark for a moment longer, until a louder knock resounded throughout the apartment.

“Tsukishima we know you’re in there.”

That was Suga, the pushy bastard, and then…

“Kei, man, open the door, we haven't seen you since-” a chorus of whispered words cut Tanaka off, “Ow, sorry, I mean, we haven’t seen you in a while dude.”

Tsukishima sat in silence, hoping they would just leave him alone, God knows he deserved it.

“Tsukishima, open the door, or we’re going to have to open it ourselves.”

He waited, wondering what they’d do if he just didn’t answer at all. There was some murmuring, before something scraped in the lock, and he heard the door click open.

“The key was in the same spot as last ti-”

“Shh. do we even know if he’s actually home?”

“His car’s in the space and his shoes are right here, what do you think?”

“Tsukishima?”

He sat, unmoving, as the voices got closer and closer. Tears were streaming down his face now, and no matter how hard he tried he knew he couldn’t stop.

“Tsukishi- Oh god, Tsukishima?”

A light had flicked on and he was confronted with his former teammates, all staring at him as though he looked every bit of the monster he knew he was.

“L-leave me alone… I’m fi-fine…”

“No, Tsukishima, please. It’s been months si-”

“I said leave! Leave me alone dammit! Leave!” As his words got louder his grip on the toy loosened, until it fell completely out of his hands.

He looked down as it hit the floor, watching it slump to the ground, and his tears stopped. He was choking, choking on air, choking on the atmosphere, choking on the fact that it was Yamaguchi who was gone and not him.

“Y- Yams…”

\-----

Yamaguchi was twirling in the wind as cherry blossoms fell around him. It looked like something out of a shoujo manga, and Tsukishima couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Yamaguchi felt Tsukishima’s gaze on him and turned. He grinned, and beckoned for Tsukishima to join him, ring glinting in the sunlight.

~

Tsukishima was half asleep at his desk, papers spilling over the sides and onto the floor as he attempted to read them, words blurring in his sleepy haze. He smiled, as Yamaguchi tucked a blanket over him, kissing him on the head as he did.

“Get some sleep Tsukki. You’ve done enough already.”

“Mmmm. Yams, wait come back.”

“How about you come back to bed with me?”

“Deal.”

~

He felt hands around him, comforting him, trying to pull him up off the floor, but it was no use. No matter how hard they pulled, no matter if they managed to prop his body up, his soul would be left behind, sinking into the emptiness of a life without Yamaguchi.

“Tsukishima, please. We know it’s hard, and we know you’ve heard it before, but Yamaguchi wouldn’t wan-”

“Yamaguchi, wouldn’t want to be dead!”

“Tsukish-”

“Please, please I asked you to leave. I don’t want to be seen like this, I don’t want to be crowded, I just want…”

Hinata stepped out from the group to kneel beside Suga and Daichi, extending his hand towards Tsukishima.

“Kei— trust us. We’re your team, remember?”

“I- I yeah. Okay.”

Tsukishima looked at Hinata’s hand for a moment, before slowly blinking and getting to his feet. Suga was ushering the others back, while Kiyoko stepped forward, holding out a water bottle. He looked at her, uncomprehending, before she handed it to him.

“You need to get better.” She looked down a moment, before stepping back into the group, giving him space.

“Yeah?”

He looked at the faces of his former teammates and managers, seeing concern, and sadness. He felt angry at them for invading his personal space, but ignored it in favor of the gratitude he felt towards them for their efforts.

“I… thank you. Thank you for checking on me, I probably needed it. I really just don’t feel like going out tonight, or… socializing in general. Is it okay if I take a raincheck?”

The group looked at each other for confirmation, before Kageyama stepped forward, to the surprise of almost everyone.

“Take as much time as you need Tsukishima.”

“Thanks, Kageyama.”

Kageyama nodded, before turning and walking out of the apartment, Hinata in tow. The rest of the group looked after him, slowly stirring back to life, turning to leave only after Suga stepped out with Daichi. Just before Ennoshita stepped out, he turned and looked Tsukishima in the eye.

“I can’t tell you it will get better, I don’t know if it will. But I do know that everyone who was here would appreciate it if you leaned on us if it gets to be too much. And… I don’t want to put words in his mouth, but I bet Yamaguchi would appreciate it as well.”

Tsukishima watched the door close behind him, before slumping back into the couch and twisting open the water bottle Kiyoko had given him, slowly draining the contents.

He sat for a moment, before sitting up, scooping up the dinosaur from where it lay on the floor. Staring at the raindrops that streaked down his window, he held it close and spoke up.

“Yams, I don’t think it was your time to go. I would give myself up to have you back, gracing everyone around you with your presence.”

He took in a shuddery breath, before continuing.

“I love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever move on… but know that I won’t give up either.”

Thunder rumbled once more in the distance and Tsukishima took it as an answer, shutting his eyes and falling back against the cushions, clutching the dinosaur as though it could bring Yamaguchi back.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry for this, but I was feeling especially sad today and felt like adding to the angst was a good idea (it was not and now I am crying to Swing Lynn on repeat).


End file.
